Two days ago, on Wednesday I worked a rather boring shift at the pool, rushed home, showered and drove to Abby’s house.
Abby has been my friend since 6th grade and somewhere in the middle of all that past time, she became my best friend. Now, this post isn’t about all of our church drama (That’s where I met Abs–there was always a lot of drama among us teenagers) so I’m not going to go into all the juicy details but I will just say that as time past and Abby became my best friend, so did Zoe, and Katie became my ex-best friend and then my best friend again. For those bad at math, that creates a group of 4. 4 best friends.
The 4 of us were there two nights ago. First it was just Abs, Kates and I. We went to a park in Abby’s neighborhood where her friend had told her there was a field of sunflowers. It was drizzling and then misting as we parked the car and climbed to the top of the hill. A gravel path led to the top. The grass was green, that grassy green that can only be described as that, because nothing else seems to ever be that color. That color belongs to nature and it’s landscape. We spotted the field to the left, spots of yellow. The sunflowers had begun to droop. The ground pulled them down. We were the only people there, the only souls left, save a few runners in the distance. We walked. The two of them stopped to take pictures. I was forced to model, which apparently I’m not very good at. The circle we made was slow. It didn’t need to be rushed. Zoe was waiting at Abby’s, she’d arrived, but it wasn’t one of those moments in which you could hurry. The beauty of our surroundings was holding us back, begging to be noticed, to be appreciated. But the thing is, it didn’t need to beg. It didn’t even need to ask. The sun was setting, being pulled down by the weight of the sky. The sky was so many shades of blue. Nature has it’s own colors, it’s own beauty, that us humans can not recreate, no matter how hard we try. There are moments that all one can do is stand there and smell the smell of rain and grass and soak it all in. This was one of those.
We then returned to Abby’s, and ate pizza and proceeded to watch a whole disc of Happy Endings episodes. As you know, I love my TV shows. And now my friends love my TV shows:)
Then we set out on the misson to find home videos of our old puppet performances at church. It was a treasure hunt that ended in a trip down memory lane and old feelings turning and churning inside our chests. We felt cheated, since the adult authority figures in our church decided to steal our unique and nurturing puppet program away from us back in 2009. We could have gone on 2 more tours. We could have had so many more shared memories. Could have, could have, could have. When something belongs to you, it hurts to remember when somebody stole it.
It wasn’t all bad memories though. Abby and I laughed so hard when the first video played–it was us talking to the camera about what show we were doing that day. Nothing has changed but yet so much has. We look different–longer, blonder hair. We sound different. We are different but we are the same. We make the same jokes. We would act the same if the situation presented itself again today. We make ourselves laugh. We love each other.
We then proceeded to make 3 time capsule videos to watch in 5 years. I’ll admit–2 we watched right away. But we’ll forget what we said and the funny moments that happened and as time passes, and when we watch them, in 2 months or 5 years, they will be memories, live and in color, just like the home videos.
That’s what Katie and Abby and Zoe are to me: memories, live and in color. So many of my memories, both good and bad, from the last 7 (!) years live inside of them. They are my home videos.
When we were making one of our time capsule videos, I insisted that we state our phone numbers and Abby asked why. “In case we loose each other.” I replied. “I’m not loosing you,” she countered.
That night was the last time we will all be together for a while. Anything could happen, might happen, will happen, but I feel quite confident that these 3 ladies will be at my wedding, at my everything. No, of course it’s not going to be the same. I leave in less than 2 weeks and I’m not going to see them until December. I’m going to miss out on even more of their lives than I already do since we live so far apart. Why don’t we just wait a few weeks? Then we’ll really see what far apart is.
These 3 young women are my life. They know me in so many different ways, that all add up to be the best way. They are my best friends, and even if for some reason, we aren’t friends in a year, or two, or twenty, they will always be my best friends. I will always owe them everything. They made me who I am today.
Abby’s mom cried when Katie and I left. “It’s silly,” she said, “I’m going to see you again, of course.” And she’s right. She’s going to see us all again, but at the same time we’re leaving. We’re moving on and it’s hard for that to not seem like leaving behind. Patsy has watched Katie and I grow up, almost as much as she’s watched her own daughter and niece. She cares about us too.
These people are my family. Distance is going to separate us, but with all of the shared memories, with all the caring, all the gestures, all the everything–nothing could stop my love.
They loved me, when I thought nobody could.
I will love them forever and for always.