Listening to Vienna by Billy Joel (on repeat and for the 24th time!)

Today was interesting. Every day is interesting. Every day I force myself out of bed and I blink once and I wonder “How am I going to make it through all these minutes and all these hours?” and then I blink a few more times and I’m sitting at my computer or jumping on the sofa cushions in the suite area or I’m making up a song about Beka’s life with Maria and I looked at the clock and I go “What? How is it that time already?” Funny, isn’t it? How time runs faster than we can?

I love it here. I can say that a million times. There are so many moments that occur that I can never and will never be able to capture but I’m going to try and explain this weekend so far, and then rant a little bit about this feeling that comes in the middle of the night.

So yesterday, after my math test I ran to the parking lot and chased after Ellen and Jackie’s car–they went to a railroad show for the whole weekend at this railroad where Ellen used to work. I made it and got to say goodbye. Later was another tradition–Dottey Cottey. All the second years dressed up like old ladies and sung. It was the funniest thing ever! Except our senior disappeared on Tuesday to  go see her boyfriend and has been AWOl ever since (typical). Then Beka and I biked to the football game at the high school mostly because she wanted to go because she’s obsessed with football and I wasn’t about to let her go biking alone at night. We stayed for the smallest amount of time I could get her to stay. I felt strange standing there, even if it wasn’t just high schoolers (it was a community event! It was weird) and I remembered how incredibly boring football is. We then biked to B.I.L hill and then back to campus where we had our Friday night movie night. We watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Horrible movie. Do not watch it. It’s not worth it.

This morning I was awoken by the alarm at 6:30. We drove the bus to Kansas City (Kansas apparently. I thought we were going to KC, Missouri) and we got to the farm (the organization is called Cultivate Kansas City–look it!) and we spent the next 3 and a half hours weeding and cleaning out what were tomato beds. We then planted patatos. I helped the woman who was in charge take the weeds to the weed pile and so after that I became one of the 4 of us she would call on when she needed something. It was really interesting to see what they’ve created there. It’s amazing and I loved working in the soil and pulling up weeds and smiling up at the bright blue sky. We went to this sculpture garden afterwards.

I’m getting tired of writing. Sometimes things just don’t happen when you want to, so forgive my summary and lack of detail. Today was good though. I am good. Tomorrow is going to be good too. Everything, every day at a time, that’s how I take it all.

But then there are always the moments during which my heart stops and for a moment it does not beat and I struggle to breathe. I miss the people who I am. My people. They are the blood that flows through my veins and when I think about it too much, my heart stops because without them, how am I to breathe? i have to work harder at it, that’s all I suppose. But then when I get tired there is not back up, nothing at all and I fall a little bit. But then suddenly everything is okay again.

Funny how that works, isn’t it? Isn’t it all…


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