I can’t breathe.

“What will this day be like, I wonder? What will my future be? I wonder…”

The air is too light to be sucked into my lungs.

I really truly really can’t. I am on the edge of a huge emotional break down. It all started months ago really when Obama and Romeny started campaigning but it just built up and built up with all the arguments over who to vote for, and all the me slipping and begging and telling Beka who she should vote for/what she should consider while voting. It all just built up as I held back so much of what I wanted to say and then it broke out last night when one of my friends here told me that she’s not voting because she didn’t know how/have the time to register. I stepped on a few toes, I’m not going to lie but I can’t apologize because I do not think that there is any reason not to vote. ITS NOT THAT HARD people. It’s really not. It took me a total of 2 minutes to register at my polling places in August.  And then after I made them switch the subject for the safety of everyone, Ellen came and sat down and somehow we got back to the topic of politics even though I told her not to open that door, not today not tomorrow but she did it anyways. And she started to talk about her boyfriend and how he posts extremely red-wing conservative posts on Facebook and then people yell at her for it and it just makes her feel horrible and I understand that. If you have a problem with someone’s political views, have the strength to bring them up to them and their face and not to someone else.

But then we went back to our room and just for the fun of it, I made my mistake of going to her boyfriend’s Facebook page to check out his posts and well, he’s crazy. He is insane. I do not understand him. He said so many things that just don’t make any sense at all. One of them was that taxing the rich more would cause them to be unable to take care of their own. Okay I’m sorry, but to the rich who are truly rich, that money is not going to be missed. There was no such things as billionaires before the tax cuts during Reagan’s term. Then millionaires turned into billionaires because they weren’t handing over their money to the government. The Beatles (yes I know they lived in the UK) were taxed 75% of their income but you know what? It didn’t matter to them because they had so much money, it was like buying a candy bar. That is the same with the rich in America. If the government taxes them and they make 40 billion dollars a year, and they’re taxed that 39 billion dollars, you know what? they STILL have a billion dollars. The richest house in the whole world costs 400 million dollars. There are only so many cars and houses and clothes a person can buy. Taxing the rich more is not going to hurt them. They have more money than things to do with it.

Then I woke up this morning and I got online just to read this and that about what’s happening and I couldn’t help it–I started crying. I want nothing more than to be at home in my living room tonight. I want to watch the polls with people who know how important this election is. There is nobody that I am close to here that I can freak out/celebrate with. I need that. I want to be with my parents tonight, with my friends because they know, they know what this election means not just to us but to the world, to the future.

I voted for myself. Of course I did. I voted because Obama has my back as a woman and I think that it is not even a question if controlling my own body is a right I have. It’s just a fact. I voted for Obama because I think that he is going to help me get through college. I vote for Obama because I think that he cares about me, about what I need. Because I want to be able to stay on my parent’s health insurance until I’m 26 if I need to.

But I also voted for Obama for the people I love. I voted for Obama for my brother, who can’t vote, but will need to go through all that I’m going through right now, the struggle to pay for college, in less than 5 years. I vote for Obama for my grandparents, who receive social security and for my parents who will and for me who will. I vote for Obama for my children, because I believe that global warming exists and that we need to make efforts in renewable energy so that my children and grandchildren can live on this Earth. I vote for Obama for all the woman who get raped every day. 1 in 4. I voted because I believe that you should have the choice not to have that baby that is attached to those horrible memories.

But more than anything, I voted for Luke. For Nick. For Allie, for so many more. I voted for my LBGT friends who are all the most amazing people that I know. I voted for them because I believe that they deserve just as much, if not more than the rest of us, to be happy, to be with the ones that they love.

I am scared.

I am truly scared.

And I am trying my hardest to make my thoughts and my words follow my belief that everyone is entitled to their own political opinion and that just because someone voted Romney does not make them a bad person. But I’m having a very hard time. An impossible time because I do not do not do not do not do not understand how someone can vote for that man. How do can a person not care about all of the woman in the world? About all of the LBGTs? About all of the elderly? About their children? How?

I can’t help it. I judge. You lose some points in my mind if you voted for the man. If you can sit there and tell me that you think that a woman should be able to get an abortion if it’s going to kill her or if she was raped, and then vote for Romney, there is something seriously the matter with you.

You just contradicted yourself.

I don’t know what else to do, what else to say. I’m so scared.


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