fish i let grow

A poem I wrote:

time moves so very slowly

a whisper.

a scratch.

my eyes blur.

my vision doubles and then disappears.

sleep calls.

I come, loud and clear, calling its name.

ven, lo dijo, ven.

yo voy.

my life is different now

all the colors have changed

I wonder what it feels like for you, so many miles away.

I’ve forgotten what my soul felt.

my mind is numb.

my fingers, cold.

ven, lo dijo, ven.

yo voy.

strange feelings have the most pull.

humans only accept their norm.

but when the norm changes,

all the leaves shift, murmur and fall.

the ice breaks.

how incredibly beautiful.

how incredibly strange.

 

 

 

I’m tired. I am dead–emotionally, physically, figuratively, literally, mentally. in all the ways possible, except being placed into a casket.

 

 

 

 

I am scared. I let myself feel it now. I am scared of going home, for what I am going to find. Part of me, almost wants to stay here. What if nothing is that same? What if it is? They’ve all seen each other–all of them. Except me. I am the odd one out. I hate that. I miss my family. I miss everyone, everything.

 

 

 

 

I want AMIGOS back in my life. I miss that family of mine.

 

 

 

there is so much more i want to say, but i am tired of stepping on toes.

 

 

 

 

these are the fish that i let grow.

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