cold

i am taking a moment to myself. and by taking a moment to myself, i mean that i am sitting in the empty suite instead of my room to writing this.

i don’t want to write details about what just happened. it was petty, stupid drama caused by a great deal of miscommunications. it was life really. that’s it. but it twisted and turned my emotions and it made me frustrated with people that i care a great deal about. and it made me realize that as much as i know about my new best friends, there is still so much more that i don’t know. and that hurts. it hurts to have that shoved into your face. it hurts more than anything really. but less than a lot at the same time.

oh, i don’t know. i am just tired. i am tired of people thinking that god knows everything. i don’t think i will ever understand why people think certain things just because the Bible said so. i dont’ get that, and i know a lot of people do, but i just really don’t. Oh, wow. I don’t know. I just don’t like what happened tonight. it pulled me away from two people while shoving me closer to another 4. funny how things like that happen, isn’t it? why do people think that they’re entitled to certain things? what makes people think that they’re better than me? all i want to do is love.

that is it, really. i just want to love. i know i am not a perfect person. i know sometimes, i am not even a good person. sometimes i am selfish, sometimes i speak too much, sometimes i am too mean, i say things that should be held inside and swallowed by my tongue, never to see the light of day. i am too harsh, i do not forgive easily. it is hard for me to trust. i have so many flaws. i swim in my flaws but i know that they are there and i see them and i strive to make them better. and they don’t matter really because all i want to do is love. that is all. i just want to love.

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