you can’t be everything you want to be before you time

this week has been long and hard. As Ellen has dealt with the difficulties life has throw at her recently, we have stood by her side and we have talked for hours upon hours. we have discussed and we have become angry, sad, confused. all of us are in a strange spot right now and I can’t speak for everyone else but I can speak for myself: I don’t know how to feel right now.

I love my friends. I love them to death and i would do anything for them but being friends with them is strange sometimes because of the fact that of all that we go through together is tied so closely with that fact that we’ve only known each other for six months. I mean you compare my relationship with them to mine with for example, Abby or Zoe or Katie (8 years!) and it’s crazy. but i been through a pretty close amount of things with my Cottey ladies as I have been with my church family. If not the same amount, at least to the same extremes. Life is strange. i don’t understand it. I don’t understand these feelings and I don’t understand how to deal with them or what to do but close my eyes and sleep and wait and go to class and dance in my overalls in Hinkhouse and go to work and laugh with Beka and watch Youtube videos with Ellen and go to Walmart at 9:30pm on a Thursday night with the people I care about more than I care about a great many other things.

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