I’ve been thinking a bit and I’m going to write about a few things, here and there and everywhere. the first thing on this oh so strange spectrum is my hair. I have a very strong love hate relationship with my hair. some days it is my favorite part of my appearance and other days I want to shave my head. Before winter break, i began the long on and off again thought process of what to do when I saw my dearest Mary Kate again and she was able to cut my hair (since she’s the only person i truly trust to come at me with scissors and even then, I have to practice my yoga breathing). I wanted something different. I had had the same hair cut for a while, with varying lengths of my hair and my bangs and the deep need for change was filling my soul. But I wasn’t ready to do anything drastic to it. I didn’t want to cut it all off. I didn’t want to get bangs and I didn’t want to dye it. So what did I do? I got bangs. Me and some of my friends all got bangs together and ever since then I’ve had a love/hate relationship with them. And so now after attempting to get rid of one love/hate relationship, I have entered another: do I let my bangs grow out or do I keep them? Some days, like today, I decide that I should grow them out but other days, I decided that I am in love with them. And so you may wonder, what is the point? Why am I writing about hair? Well, that’s just the thing–I’ve been thinking about my hair so much more than normal lately that I realized some things. The first is that getting bangs has in some strange way given me permission to do different things with my hair. Nothing to crazy yet but I have always been a same hair every day kind of person and getting bangs has made me realize it doesn’t have to be that way. The second more important thing this bangs journey has taught me is that there are some parts about yourself that you may never care for, but those are the parts you need to work harder to love.
i am tired of homework but that is nothing new. I wonder when I am going to fall in love with studying. I am already in love with learning but since in this society, one can not learn without studying, i have been chained down for years by studying. It impairs my learning. I want to fall so in love with a subject that I read the textbook for fun. I want to be so surrounded by new information and so in love with it all that it stays in my mind and falls from my tongue before I can stop it. I want to be eager to share what I am learning and right now, I do not feel that way and it makes me upset. I am eager to discover more about psychology and I really like my Women’s Studies class but when will I fall so far down the rabbit hole, i can’t get back up? and on a totally different but somewhat similar note, when will i know what i am meant to do career-wise in life? how will i know?
that’s all really. i applied to be a Golden Key (the tour guide/prospective student hoster Cottey verison) and I had my interview last week and i hear back Friday so I’m crossing my fingers that that goes well. It seems strange that there are only 39 days left until spring break. everything just seems strange. everyone around me is in a strange mood and i’m struggling to stay above it all. i’ve forgotten what it is like to live inside my head and although it can get lonely, i am enjoying rediscovering all the delicious thoughts i keep there.