waves

sometimes it is so strange to be in the place that you are. you close your eyes and then when you open them, you look around and you blink once more and you think: wait, what am i doing here? do i even belong here? where am i? guys, where are we?

today was a good day–i had psych and a decent spanish quiz in spanish and dance was fun, i really like the new combination that we’re going. i shadowed my golden key desk hour and i got to catch up with one of my friends who i haven’t talked to a lot this semester since we don’t have English together anymore. there was the housing meeting for next year then and that’s when things started taking a turn towards the down hill–but the thing is i didn’t realize it. at the meeting, i started freaking out because i’m really worried that the 6 of us won’t get a suite together next year and in order to have a suite with freshman too, we need an empty suite to move into and all i want is a good suite, that’s really all i wanted. but then after the meeting, we started talking and jackie told us all that she might not be coming back next year. and i guess right now, in this moment in which i am typing these words, that just really hit me. i can’t loose jackie. i don’t want her to leave us but isn’t that selfish? if she doesn’t belong here, she shouldn’t stay. but then the 5 of us? as much as we love each other can we really live together? i think we can. beka thinks we can but i don’t think ellen and katie and amanda are so sure about it. ellens for it though but then after we all hung out in that pool while i worked, after everyone else left i had a talk with her and some things came out and well, i’m not sure. i’m just not sure. i don’t know what to do right now because next year and housing isn’t in my control and i hate that.

there’s more. words i can’t say here. words that i fear i must swallow. i feel–oh i don’t even know. i am just not sure where i am right now. i think it’s the night–it does this to me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s