thoughts

it is so incredibly strange to be the one that is outnumbered in a political debate. i have never experienced that before i came to Cottey but last night, somehow ellen, jackie, beka and I started talking about gay rights and although none of them are entirely against it, they do not feel the same way that I do and so the conversation quickly became borderline me verse them, and it was such a strange feeling because i am never in the minority when it comes to conversations like that at home. i mean hello? Madison. And having that conversation last night was really hard because I disagreed so much with somethings that my friends were saying and I wanted to raise my voice at them but I knew that if I did that, they would feel like I was attacking them and that’s not what I wanted but I wanted to yell and so I was fighting with myself on how to even conduct the conversation and it was just…strange. It got me reflecting on how different but yet how the same my friends at home and my friends here are. They’re both the same in the most important way: they care about me. They’re the same in that they like to laugh, that they’re Kneesters but my friends at home–we talk about politics all the time. And about deep stuff like religion and the future. My friends here, while we do that and we do have those discussions, they’re not as common. My friends here also freak me out by how much they talk about their weddings and their future husbands. I have never met someone before who discuss those two topics so seriously and was my age. I don’t know….different people come from different places so of course they are different and act different and talk about different things. It just hit me out of nowhere last night and I feel like my friends here don’t know me in some of the most important ways since I feel like their opinions dominate the group sometimes but that’s just because I am so used to my opinions being the majority. I don’t know…it’s just strange and I’m not putting any of this into words the right way but I needed to try. I always say that politics is not the defining point of someone and whether or not they’re a good person and whether or not you can be friends with them and that’s true but I feel like you are closer to the people who agree with you on those issues simply because you agree with each other. And that’s sad…should politics really determine so much? But shouldn’t it? I mean political beliefs come from moral and personal beliefs so….how can you separate the two things? Can you?

Everything is insane right now. I spent most of last week struggling to finish my research paper for Women’s Studies before my books were due and now I have another paper to do for 102 and gaaaaah–everything is just insane. Let’s leave it at that. But it’s sunny out!!!!

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