what if

You know–I close my eyes and I see myself at the other schools. At Redlands, at Macalester, At Drake, where I thought I belonged, where I longed to be. I visited so many, I can picture them all.

But you know what?

I can’t picture myself not here. What if, what if, what if?

Well, what if?

There would be no ring on my finger, different cracks in my heart. Beka wouldn’t be coming home with me in 12 days. She wouldn’t even be part of my life. There would be different stories passing over my lips, different pictures on my Facebook page. Daisies wouldn’t be the flower that I doodle on my notebook paper in class. Ducks would still mean nothing to me. Perhaps I wouldn’t have found Mills. Or A&M. This song that is playing in my ears right now wouldn’t be playing at all. I wouldn’t watch Once Upon A Time. I wouldn’t a lot of things. Some many things would be different.

Just imagine it.


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