i would like to take a moment to write about how i feel right now: the strange contradiction of everything being well and perfect and good but that one part of your life slipping farther and farther away form you until you can not even see it, until you can’t reach it. i am in both anthropology and sociology so i have been discussing and thinking and reading a lot about what makes people who and how they are recently but still, despite all of that, i ask myself each and every day: what makes people this way? what makes me strong in some ways in which everyone around me seems to be weak? why am i that way? is it from my position in my family? the places i lived when i was younger? Panama? iida? or God? Or did all of those things happen because of God? is there even an answer to a question like that? I wish that somebody could lay it all out for me. could tell me each and every little thing that has made me who i am. i would like that. it would make everything easier. and now i suppose that it is time for me to say that this life being difficult is what makes it all worth it. but do you want to know a secret? sometimes, i don’t think that that’s true.