words from the past

i wrote these words a month ago, in a different place. it’s funny then is it not…how true they still are.

can i tell you a secret? it doesn’t matter. you have to listen to me anyways, you can not run, you can not hide because if i can’t, then neither can you. the floor is cold, the music is loud in my ears. i have crawled under my desk, hidden from the world. i have nowhere to go, nowhere where i am welcome. oh of course there are places and people i could run to but they are too far away, they are outside of my reach and for that i want to cry, cry until my heart breaks. but wait…it’s already broken. my heart is broken, as it has broken hundreds of times before. i am hiding–i will be honest. i am not weak in that sense. i am hiding–from the lights, from the voices, from the emotions, from the people, from everything. i want my own place. i long for my room. i want it so badly i can hear my heart calling for it. but since it is too far away, since i can not get there, and there is nowhere else for me to crawl towards, i have crawled as far away as i can get-under my desk. and so here i am. and all i can ask myself is why? why?
except i know why.

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