when i give up air

i have a secret, except it’s not going to be a secret much longer because i am going to tell you what it is. why? why tell someone–more than one someone really–a perfectly good respectable secret? because, sometimes secrets want to breathe. sometimes, things have to be let out before you have to let them go. i can’t let go of this secret though because it is something that has been following me for years, for as long as i can remember really. what is it? i know you are on the edge of your seat, i know your heart is racing, your palms are sweaty. i know all you want is to know. and here it is…

i hate time. i hate time more than i hate almost every other thing in this world that this displeasing to me. i hate that it steals from me. steals what? steals everything. steals friendships, steals sunrises and sunsets, steals breaths, steals memories, steals the people i love, steals personalities, steals me too. time steals me from myself. i hate that it never stops too. i hate that no matter how hard i try, no matter how fast i run, no matter how much i give up air in order to move my body quicker and quicker and quicker, time always gets away from me. i can not win. it changes everything. it changes people i love, people i used to love, things i love, things i used to love.  i fight it but it is a battle i can never and will never win.

but here’s the other part of it all, the other part of the secret: all of the things i hate about time, i love too. i love that i can’t win. i love that it is a battle i will fight my whole life, i love that it changes things, gives me room to grow, i love it.

now i gave you a secret so you must give me an answer: how can you hate something that you love?


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