the year came in at Bass Lake, the place I am saying good-bye to, the place I am blessed to be able to return to tomorrow, the place I thought I left 6 months ago in June for the last time, the place that I am being given a second goodbye to for better or for worse, the place that was my first true home, that has been my home for the longest, that will always have a place in my heart, the place i owe everything to.
January consisted of returning to Cottey for my second semester of college, of becoming a Golden Key, of helping Ellen deal with a major change in her life, of planning for the summer, of continuing on. February was Lip Sync and snow days. March was a trip to Kansas City and healing through the power of the voice and the words along with spring break with a visit to Elyse and St. Patrick celebrations. April was C for Yourself and Founders and the PTK trip to San Jose and drama, of course and school work and so much more I can’t put into words, just like every moment is because some things can not be captured. May was the end but somehow the beginning with graduation Jackie leaving and Beka coming to visit and my two worlds overlapping and Diane’s graduation and Green Bay and being locked outside of Em’s and so much more. June took Beka and brought me Iida and Jenni. It took the three of us and William to Bass Lake, where I had the perfect last visit with all of the things I love–the Fort, the diary, my grandparents, Janet and Denny, swimming , the pontoon and yet, here I am right now, testing fate by returning agin. Except I have to. I want to more than anything, because it never felt final. It never felt right. It was almost like I knew I wasn’t saying goodbye, like I was going back. June also brought Europe. Em and I took off to 7 weeks of adventure that would change who I am. I can not explain June and July and August except to say that I love this world–I lost my soul to it, but more than that I love the people, my family, who I shared the moments with. In August, I returned to Cottey, where in a pile of sweat, my second and last year at my new home started. The following months were filled with work and Golden Key duties and FMF and PTK and homework and tests and papers and essays and traditions and Thanksgiving and Hanging of the Greens, Guatemala and a great deal of struggle to accept where I stand in this life and where I am going.
Of course, I can not sum up this year in all of the words in the world. To sum up even today would take too many words, more words than there are, because today in and of itself was perfect, so to sum up a year that was difficult and hard but yet so, so, so perfect would be impossible. instead I will list all of the things I learned:
- I want to travel. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have lost my soul to the world. I have been blessed with many opportunities to do just this but I learned this year that I will give up everything to travel. I will not let money and other barriers stop me. I wish to see this world and to learn all I can from the people in it.
- I miss reading. This past semester specifically has been insanely busy and I realized that I miss reading and more than that, I miss having time to simply breath. One of my goals then, for this next year, is to remember to find balance, which can mean saying no, something I struggle to do.
- People are not forever. I have lost a few friends this year, some because of distance and some because of time and others because of different factors. It was a struggle to deal with, something I had to talk about for hours with many different people in order to process and accept. It is hard for me to let go but I must remember that sometimes that is the best thing not only for them, but for me.
- That being said, at the same time, people are forever. I have said it a thousand times before, but I learned this year that when it is real, distance means nothing. Iida. Tiarna. Emmaray. Emily. Mary Kate. My family. They are my rocks. I owe them everything.
- Only the things I let stop me will be able to stop me.
I could go on–just as I said before I could go on listing things about this year but I do not want to. I just want to tell my future self that 2013 was good. I have much hope for 2014 as well and as long as you continue to grow, I will be proud. Fairfarren.