major, what major?

i want more from life than school. as i sit here, in the library, after struggling yesterday to write 2 papers and find the motivation to continue on with all i have signed up for, i was called by Mills College in CA. I picked up despite my phone being broken but since my phone is broken, and no miracle occurred, they couldn’t hear me. a few minutes later, i got a Facebook message from my grand-senior, a 2012 Cottey grad who is now at Mills and I met last April at the PTK convention. she asked if i was still thinking of applying. i told her no, I had decided not to apply to Mills because they don’t have my desired major: communications. that sent me through the downward spiral of Googling Communications majors and history majors and this and that majors and reading everyone hating on Communications and History and basically every major that isn’t science or teaching. then i ended up on Tumblr and saw my profile picture, which is of me in Sweden this summer and i got overwhelmed with my usual sense of wanderlust. and then i found myself clicking with no goal or reason through the world that is the internet until I found myself here, lost and confused.

how am i supposed to decide a major when i don’t even know what i want to do with my life? all i know is I want to speak Spanish and learn Finnish and German and Italian and French. I’m obsessed with travel and cultures and being lost in a world that is unfamiliar to me but yet so similar to all that i know. i care about people a great deal and women’s rights and women’s issues are always at the forefront of my burner. i want to work abroad. i want to work at an NGO. i want to do something to make a difference. these are things i know for certain, things that have led to me deciding to minor in both Spanish and Women’s Studies but what do i major in!?!? I decided in December when the cards of fate fell into my lap, first in the form of Sophie and then in the form of Anna, to take a leap of faith and decided on Communications. but now i’m rethinking, because how do you know?

i’m tired of this game. im tired of society always winning, of making me feel this way. i believe in destiny, i believe that what happens was supposed to happen and what will happen is what is supposed to happen. so i will major in Communications, a major that may be ‘fluff’ in some people’s opinions, but will give me flexibility to open doors and learn more about who i am. i just need to remember that. i just need to speak louder that society’s voice. your college major isn’t the end. it’s not all your job and future life depends on. why does society have to sing a song so loudly that isn’t even true? watch me go to law school with a Communications major under my belt. wouldn’t that surprise us all.

(it all surprises us all)

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