Dear God

Dear God,

I have so many questions for you I barely know where to start. I am sitting here and I can’t–I just can’t. I knew it would be this way before I came here. I knew I should have gone to the United Methodist church–it’s not like this. Nobody puts down Mohammad and Budda. Nobody claims that without Jesus, we wouldn’t have a calendar or the United States. Do you even think that that is true? Do you hold so much of this world as being a result of your son? How do you account for all of the differences then? For the people who disagree with you? Are they still your people? I came here for the sense of community, because my introverted self doesn’t like to put myself on the chopping block socially. The thing is though–it is churches like this that make me question it all, make me question Christians. I believe that God, that you, are different for and to everyone of us but what is the point of organized religion then? I don’t have a right answer but my best one is the community. The point of church is the support, the prayer, the love, the community. But here’s the thing–communities that stand for the world don’t hate on the world. How can people be so blind? I thank my parents each and every day for teaching me to question things I hear, especially from authority figures. I do not believe in a god who believes Christianity to be the best. Does that make me wrong? You wrong? Do you even think that? What is the answer? No, in life, in religion, there are no easy answers but the one thing I know–you never hold yourself above others.

Here is the other thing–hell. My grandma told me once hell is just a state of mind. I agree. The thing is though–heaven. Who gets in? And how? If being Christian is the key–I don’t want in. Because what about all the people I love, what about all the people I would do anything for who don’t believe in Jesus? I don’t want to go a place they can’t because of what their parents taught them and what they have learned along the way. So what is the answer? Who gets in? Do you think Christians are right in all that they say? Do you even care how people worship you, as long as they do it? Worship though–that makes it sound like you are above me and I just said the one thing i know for sure: you never hold yourself above others. Do you? Do you think you are better than the rest of us? I think of you more as a friend and teacher, than as a king who has the right to make final decisions about my life. Does that make me wrong? What is the answer to all of this? Is there even one? And then perhaps my biggest question of all: am I wrong for questioning you?

I was sitting in the church, in that church that I have only ever been to once before and the answer fell into my mind. Was it your voice? You reply? I choose to believe so but I suppose I’ll never know. What did you say?

You said to me: ‘Of course not. Of course it is not wrong to question me. How else will you ever learn? As for me answering your questions-well, that’s not going to happen. Because if I answered them all, you would have nothing else to strive for. It would be too easy, and that’s not the point of all this.”

 

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