Here I stand

It’s strange-people who don’t breathe words like I do, don’t understand how much the right book in the right moment can mean. I just finished one of these books-Home Front-and the tears that series of words caused are fresh on my cheeks. It is a book of letting go, of how important the people you love are, and as I read those words, I turned over in my mind my realization that this summer has truly been the summer of second goodbyes (to Jesse, to Kirsty, to Brenna, Tristan, Ashley, Min, Lisa, Kez, Amanda, Peter, Ian, Megan, Kendall, Max, to some campers), the summer of people who I knew and people who I love leaving my life for what I thought was a long, long time only to enter it again days later when I truly needed them. That is another strange thing- me the lifelong studier of the art of goodbyes being faced with the challenge (blessing?) of having second goodbyes…They need a different name, one that truly captures the closure they give you, the sense of security they give you by forcing you to realize nothing is as it seems and distance and time aren’t solid things and that life is funny. The revolving door goodbyes, I will call them because you think you’re on your way out to find yourself on your way back in again.

I have gotten off track-the point I want to make is that this book and it’s lesson of embracing what has hurt you and allowing it to make you stronger mixed with my summer of revolving door goodbyes, three of which I had today, has washed the bitter taste from my mouth. It is not gone completely as it could never be but it is gone from the surface. The pain this summer caused is becoming part of me, a stronger part.

And so here I stand-arms wide and heart abandoned.

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