this journey is not easy. i feel fine one moment and the next your dear old introvert is ready to hunker down and begin to cry. there is no space where my poor old brain is not on overload. even going to take a shower is stressful because i don’t know how to work them. with each new task completed–finding the financial aid office, taking a shower, navigating the cafeteria for the first time–my heart feels a little bit lighter but each new tasks leads to another new set of challenges. who do i sit with? where do i find the registrar? when will i know my work schedule? the questions and doubts are never ending. i try to remember the strong confident self I feel I have lost. I know she is in there somewhere because I was her, just a few weeks ago, sitting across from my ex-boss’ boss in a Starbucks, attempting to justify the injustice I and my loved ones faced this summer. It is so hard though to remember the good in the midst of the bad.
And the worse part of all this is that I blind my eye, and I am fine. Just as I walk my Strong, Alana walks out. Just as I have decided to sit alone at lunch, Bailey and Erika enter the cafeteria. So what if they are freshmen and I am a junior? They’re feeling what I am feeling, at least half way.
This is all so much. So much good but so much struggle too. It will fade, I am sure but until then, here I am.