cobblestones

have you ever walked down a road made of cobblestones? did you know that there is nothing about them that is perfect? they do not run in straight lines, those bricks. they are either broken, bricks turned over and pushed up by a root growing where man thinks that it shouldn’t. it is not easy to walk down a road made of cobblestones.

i think. my thoughts surround me, as everyone’s do to them. but i feel mine are louder, longer, and stronger than most people’s, mostly because they are mine but also because i am a watcher. i watch the world and that makes it hard sometimes. this past week was long, all is a good way. i have realized many things. Kirsty came and she made me realize how I can not forget when I feel alone that I have people. Too, she made me remember who I am. “I don’t think I could be a lawyer though,” I said as we walked down the cobblestones for the fourth time just that day, “I’m not cutthroat enough.” “No, I think you are.” “You think I’m cutthroat?” I laughed and as soon as the sound left my lips, the wind carried it away. She shook her head, “Maybe not cutthroat but you stand up for what you believe is right. You fight.”

But you stand up for what you believe is right. You fight.

Have you ever walked down a road made of cobblestones?

Kirsty being here also made me realize how okay it is to not want to socialize all the time. She was shocked by it all. “I think it’s an American thing…” she explained. At university in Scotland, if the students live in the dorm, they have their own room. During welcome week, there are no non-optional activities. Things are quieter. I realized I live in a nation full of people who think being extroverted means being powerful, being right. Fighting against that is something I will do the rest of my life (another I should move to Finland huh?)

Have you ever walked down a road made of cobblestones?

Talking to Elyse and to Emily in turn made me realize there are people who know me and I am sure there will be people here who know me too, in turn. I looked at my relationship with Kirsty and mine with the woman I have shared this room with the past week and I realized I can’t expect it to happen so quickly. It did with Beka. It did with Holly, with everyone at camp, really. Those people were meant for me though. I needed them and they needed me. We were under intense circumstances, on the same page. I am not on the same page as many people here and so that slows things down. Not all is bared by our similarities because we are not in the same place.

Have you ever walked down a road made of cobblestones?

I realized travel and family is more important than how much money I have. I realized I miss the sun, even when the heat is too hot.

Have you ever walked down a road made of cobblestones?

I realized that I am tired of planning this game. But perhaps it was what I told Hazel that I realized most of all: “I think the most important thing is to let it hurt.”

“Kirsty, do you think we’ll ever heal from all this?”

She laughed, as I glanced over my shoulder at her bright face.

“No.”

 

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