this is me

it’s stupid and I know it but those around me-their words and opinions affect me and so I need to take a moment and remember who I am. That’s something I barely know so I am turning to photos to put the puzzle together

this is me and my two good friends at homecoming senior year of high school. They swam, I ran cross country. It’s funny because I actually hate to run. I did it for the community, the support.

This is me and my sister and her sisters in Hanover, Germany. Sometimes, biology is nothing. Sometimes, love is stronger than the ocean and sometimes, people are meant to find each other.

This is me with my friends at senior prom. We went single ladies. I still ride that status.

This is me and my sister and her sister on the boat from Finland to Sweden. None of us are blood related but yet, here we are.

This is me in the Alps, my first summer snow.

This is me in Sweden. It’s ironic because I actually have little to zero American pride.

This is me in Sud Tiriol, northern Italy, silly, happy, with three women I look up to with all I possess.

This is me after I got home from Panamá. Did you know I lived in Panamá for two months? This is at the airport after I got home. That’s my family. It’s the first moment I met my soul sister.

This is my brother and I in York. He’s my best friend.

This is me at Cottey graduation with Hazel and Amanda, my sisters and best friends, and Dr. Stubblefield, my cheerleader and role model. I miss the support of that place.

This is me in Panamá with Rachael. She was the beginning. She taught me so much. She was so open with me from the very beginning and I miss that. I miss people who are so brave you can’t help but be brave too.

This is my sister and I in Door County the summer before I left for Cottey. I love my state. I love the water, I love nature, I love my city, I love all it stands for.

This is me and Iida’s niece in Poorvo. Kids are my favorite, even when they’re not.

This is me and my siblings. Emily actually took this photo.

This is me and Elyse and Teen in Kings Cross in London the moment before we said goodbye. I miss her. I’ve spent most of my life missing her and yet she knows me so well.

This is me and my church family-they opened all the doors. They were my first true group of friends.

This is me and William the last time I saw Bass Lake in all it’s summer glory. I’m still not over that, having to leave it. My childhood.

This is Beka and I at Reverse Step Sing. We so different, her and I, but question who I am for one moment she did no. Love me from the start, she did.

This is Penny, Hazel and I at Hanging. That symbol we are holding, painted purple, it’s all I stand for, all I will not back down from.

This is Em and I at homecoming parade senior year. There are no words for her. I miss her.

This is Em and Iida and I in Porvoo. My better halves.

This is me and Teen in Dublin. I love that city. I love traveling. I love feeling okay that I don’t fit in because nobody expects me too.

This is Step Sing. I love to sing but more than that I love the community shared moments form, between those sharing it then and those who have shared it before.

This is ‘just a walk’.

This is Elyse and I in Door County. Summer is my favorite because it is all about family and it becomes easy.

This is Reverse-my first family I found on my own. Jackie and Ellen have moved on. Perhaps the other three will too but in that moment, they were what I needed. Beka and Katie and Amanda-they still are. I wish they were here.

This is my blood family in London. I love them more than anything.

This is Tighly. I never would’ve thought my two halves would be halves of each other. How lucky I am.

This is Pope Farm where my church family and I like to go, to laugh and take photos because the simplest things have always been the best with them.

This is my mom and Beka and I, in front of Main Hall, right before the capping ceremony of my seniors. These two women were the most important women on my Cottey journey. They are my guides. It’s strange to think because I never would’ve thought in that moment I would be so incredibly blessed to have the three women I did cap me one year later. I didn’t know Em would be there, as she should have been and I am so glad she was. I didn’t even know Hazel existed. How is that?

This is Beka and I, one year later, at our own capping.

This is Dottey Cottey and giggles and Cottey sisters and rwacs.

This is Berlin and pizza. We ate it all 🙂

This is my grandma and I at Bass Lake. I love her so much. She is me in so many ways and I love each and every part of that. She’s taught me so much.

This is Em and Henni and I being the children we are.

These are my siblings on the day I first wore a cap and gown.

These are my Kneesters, at Yellow Puddle. Second semester senior senior year was the best. I miss those ladies.

This is Iida and Abby and I.

This is Maria and I with our gift from Em, who puts up with us and our love for a musical I’m pretty sure she can’t stand.

This is Em and I, right after we lost a bit of our souls to Ireland for ten years.

This is my Panamá family. They barely knew me and they loved me. That fact alone made me realize all I had to offer.

This is my Cottey family, the first one because not all good things are good forever.

This is my sister and I, at our last traditional family New Years at Bass Lake. You know, my family doesn’t have a lot of traditions but we did have that….

This is Beka and I with her first ever snowman.

This is Iida and Em and I picking blueberries in the country I wish was mine to call home, but even if it can’t be, at least I can look at all of these photos and all of these people and know that they are my home. They are.

do you understand better now?


One thought on “this is me

  1. almost all of those pictures — i pictured them in my head, knew exactly what you were talking about in each. honored to be part of the beautiful tapestry of moments that is your life and love. ❤

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