what is this feeling?
this feeling is the feeling of sadness that my throat is forced to swallow whenever i look at the Cottey traditions page, or see photos from people still at Cottey, and my heart breaks just a little bit more. this feeling is the feeling of pure happiness i get when i finish a scarf and place it around my neck, when i get a package from home, when Tiarna’s voice fills my ears, when i watch TV and escape from the world just for a moment, when Hazel and I talk and talk and talk. This feeling is a feeling of accomplishment that fueled my blood when I just finished working 4 hours at the Wake Forest game promoting Ford cars. This feeling is a feeling of joy that I felt so much as the sun kissed my cheeks and I sat next to Susannah, sipping lemonade and eating a pretzel, that hunger that had engulfed me disappearing. this feeling is a feeling of content that overcomes me whenever I am at Emmaus: eating at Zoe’s Kitchen, laughing with Laura and Susannah and Allison before we start on Tuesdays, singing, driving in the van with Jess, telling stupid jokes; and whenever I am at InterVarsity, laughing about running, driving to Cookout, hanging out at Emily’s and laughing at Kevin and Emily’s bad driving and that one comedian who’s name I can’t remember. This feeling is the feeling of beauty as I walk around outside in Old Salem, under the fall leaves. This feeling is a feeling of worry and unease as I continue to question how important people’s political beliefs are to determining friendships. This feeling is a feeling of doubt as I question myself too. This feeling is a feeling, a feeling that I am finding my place here.
A feeling of life.