i will not lie to myself. here is the answer to the question you ask:

yes, for the lake itself, for the beauty of the woods and the noise of the birds in the morning and for the deer and the snakes and the spiders and even the bugs. yes for the beauty of the rainbow of the lake, for the sunrises and sunsets, for that feeling you get when it starts to rain and you can smell it everywhere around you and you know completely that you are in nature, where humans are supposed to be before we decided we weren’t. for the children, yes, yes, a million times yes. they made me laugh so hard. they were so free, so open, so hurt and so harmed. i loved loving them. for the walkie talk, yes. for the horrid food even, yes. for the limited wifi, because i liked being removed from the temptations of this society. for the connection I felt to God, for the spiritually, yes. for the growth, yes. for the trips to Wal-mart, for the silly songs, a hundred times yes. for the simplicity of it all, not caring what you had to wear, for the laughter, for the walking through the woods so many times, for the horses, for singing Sanctuary and that feeling that came from somewhere outside of me and flew throw my veins everytime I heard those words, for Capture the Flag and Counselor Hunt, for boating, for the turtles, for driving to the Brewers game, for the lake again, for Chaos, for the Rocket, the wiggle mat, for feeling free and whole somehow amongst it all, for the stars, for Romans and Christians, for Gaga ball, for Carpet Ball,  for the crafts, for the smell of camp fires, for the churros, for the tacos, for being needed, for Maple, for being able to be a child just a little bit, for the sense of unity among the staff who actually cared, for the happiness. for Lisa, Andrea, Max, Holly, Ian, the others who would return. all that and more: yes

but no. no because of the three of them, because of the pain.

look at that little bad outweighing all that good. how is that possible? if anything, now i know: there is evil in this world. i am no longer a child. 


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