you can look at it one of two ways. we humans look for signs in everything and anything that could be a sign and we could and can and do see them anywhere we want, if that’s what we’re looking for, even if they probably mean nothing, even if they’re air in the dust. or the universe is really trying to tell us something. i always thought that i would be able to tell, you know? that i would feel it somehow, when his soul that embodied this body exploded into a million pieces to be reshaped into the new souls of the new babies about to be born, or when his soul left his body to go to where ever we go next. but if i’m being truthful, i didn’t feel a thing and somehow that hurts too. i was outside, sitting in the sunshine with Susanna, the grass wet and cold, the sky bright and i remember thinking wow i haven’t felt so alive in days. the irony. where did you go? how will i ever find you again?