Spain Thoughts (part 1 claro) 

I have little to no trust in the universe and I am fiercely independent and anxious. All of this adds up to mean a few things- 1) i always spends the day before anything important/big/out of my control freaking out about what ifs 2) I don’t trust strangers 3) I refuse to ask for help.

Do I like this about myself? Eh.

Today taught me a lesson though. I had been worrying about how I was go to get to the bus station/airport for days and this morning, I put one of my suitcases on my back and, prepared to roll the other with one on top and carry my backpack on my front, I took two steps forward in my empty dorm room and realized the mile and a half walk up hill mainly in cobblestone sidewalks to the bus station wasn’t going to happen. So, reluctantly I called the cab company.

Fifteen minutes before they were supposed to come, I headed downstairs with two of my suitcases and ran into Laura, who quickly offered to help. I denied it. First stubborn mistake. Getting those two bags down the stairs wasn’t fun. Ditto with the next two. Minutes before my cab arrived, I ran into Taylor who offered to drive me to the bus station just as the cab pulled up. The first flick on the wrist from the universe.

Taylor helped me carry my bags to the car and the very friendly cab driver drove me the 8ish blocks. He offered to help me carry my stuff inside. I denied and struggled to pull my baggage the twenty feet.

Relieved to have made it to my first destination but anxious for how I was going to make it on and off two buses, I sat down in my mountain of stuff. Shortly after an older man came and asked me to watch his luggage while he went to the bathroom. I said yes and this yes turned into a gift from the universe. The man not only helped me get my bags on to the first bus but he carried them to the next as well.

Confession: the whole time I kept waiting for him to demand something from me. I’m not proud of that but I realized as the bus drove out of Winston how incapable I am of not only accepting help but believing in the goodness of strangers. I honestly thought the cab driver was going to lock the doors and refuse to let me out. I could point a finger at society and the fear that has been installed into me as a young woman but I want to take action against this part of me, no matter where it came from.

And so my goals, not only for the summer but for Spain as well-1) stop saying no to people who offer to help 2) ask for help when I need it 3) become more (not to an idiotic point of course) trusting of strangers.

The old man on the plane isn’t trying to poison you with his crackers.

[side note-I’m a senior in college?!]

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