with the wolves

for my entire life I thought you were something I could run from and so I’ve run as fast and as hard as I can.

I ran with my voice, pouring out the formation of my soul to women who knew nothing of me, scribbling words so you would leave, singing to a force I can’t even see, swallowing small blue pills, swallowing sweet liquid, pushing sharp edges into my thin skin, moving my legs faster and faster so my heart banged against my ribs.

I ran in every way you can but you always caught me. 

I screamed in complaint of the unfairness. I flew across states and oceans.

Then, something changed.

Except the world didn’t shift, no not like that. 

I just opened my eyes.

Run as I may, you won’t leave because you are part of me. I wear you in the middle of my chest, like a badge, like freckles on my skin.

Nothing will make you leave. Instead I have to let you in, to become part of these worn bones and not until then will your claws let go of my bleeding flesh.

I can’t run from you, from the wolves. I must run with you, to throw back my head and howl at the very moon that hides the sun.

[but I hate to run]


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