pounding beats

I am having a very hard time loving right now.

Loving you, loving her, loving everyone, anyone, but most of all loving me.

I am not sure why.

Perhaps I am angry. I know I feel alone. Every piece about you makes me want to yell. I am scared about the future, I am not ready to move on and yet it is also the only desire I seem to truly know.

Downtrodden, unsure, petrified, fears buried so deep from so many years kept inside they’ve become part of my bones. If I voice them, I am afraid I will snap because they’re what keeps me standing-are they not?

All of this has turned me into nothing, and a pot of anger filled words.

I do not know what else to say. 

Do not come to try and rescue me. I spent the last two years so entirely wrapped in solitude I do not think I would even recognize your knock at the door.

Or perhaps I would, and the real truth is that I would not let you in.


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